in each moment

Just before I came to Thailand, I went to Globalscope Celebration-- a kind of conference for all of the international campus ministers who work for CMF.  At Celebration, someone (I dont remember who) said this:   

"The only thing that any of us has to do is choose what to do with the time given us."  

This seems simple enough, a common-sense type of statement.  My experience with this quote, though, is that the more time I spend with it, the more profound and meaningful it becomes.

What I do with my time-- what any of us does with our time-- matters deeply.   Each time I choose to humble myself before the Lord, my soul is filled more than I can feel.  Each time I choose sacrifice or obedience over the desire of my flesh, it strengthens my heart more than I will know.  Each time I choose to allow temptation to take over, it affects much more than I can see.  Each time I choose disobedience instead of trust, the ripples of separation are further reaching than I will understand.

This is good news and scary news at the same time.  God is more powerful than I imagine him to be, and he is able to use my attempts to serve him.  And he will use them not only for my good (because he loves me), but for the good of others also (because he loves them too).  The good news is, God will do the rest once I choose him.  The scary part is that... well, I have to make a choice.  I must make choices in light of the understanding that what I do day-to-day, moment-by-moment really does matter.  And for people like myself, who are not so good at being responsible for things that matter, a simple quote like this one turns into a provoking statement of what life is all about.

And what is life all about?...  Oh gosh.  A question I don't really know the answer to.  But I think it has a lot to do with being with God.  I mean, being with him truly, not just doing things for him or thinking about him, but "with" in the fully-engaged sense of the word.  When our lives are but a breath, time spent with the Lord is the only thing of eternal significance.  To be with him fully is a goal at which we will have never arrived in this life, but it is our goal and our hope nonetheless.

I realize that this all sounds kind of serious and gloomy, but the best part of the quote is the idea of grace embedded in it!  It does not say "all we have to do is choose what to do, and also sit around and worry about the choices we have already made or the wrong choices we will inevitably make in the future."  It is a statement that speaks very much to the now.  And in each moment of the now, God's grace is not only available to us, but sufficient for us. After all, life is lived in the present.  And being with God is also something that happens in the present.  Each new moment is one in which grace and power are available to us.  Each new moment is one that matters.

More than ever before, I am so aware of how what I do matters.  What I think, what I say, what I choose, what I teach and what I indulge in-- it all matters.  It has been a humbling lesson.  Because there is absolutely no way that I can accomplish any kind of self-awareness on my own.  I must ask for help in this, because I just cant do it on my own.  I need God's Spirit continually in a way I never realized I did before.

The way I see it, I have two jobs.  1- Humble myself.  2-Trust God to do the rest.  Would you pray that I would choose humility in each moment?  Would you pray that I would trust God to be with me in each moment?  Would you pray that even in failure (because I am good at the failing part of this), I would be encouraged by the Lord's moment-by-moment grace?