let's take a trip

Last weekend, I headed up to Chiang Mai to see my lawyer for my Visa extension-- not exactly a short trip.  Chiang Mai is a 12 hour bus ride from Bangkok--or, for the adventurous such as myself, a 15 hour train ride.  I have decided to chronicle my journey here, in case any of you are interested what it is like to travel alone in a Southeast Asian country.

(Okay, okay.. the 'chronicling' is more for myself than for you, but I do hope you enjoy it!)

So, let's take a trip to Chiang Mai!

First step, acquire a train ticket.  The whole reason to take the train over the bus is because you can actually sleep on the train.  And because it is fun to pretend that you are on the Hogwart's express... but maybe that's just me.  However, by the time I arrived at the train station in downtown Bangkok (which is a 'trip' in and of itself), all of the sleeper tickets were gone, and only seating tickets on the later train were left.

Sitting (overnight, mind you) for 15 hours next to someone I do not know in a non-air-conditioned train car???  I don't think so.... not this girl.  I might as well take the bus.  I might get terribly motion sick, but at least it is air-conditioned.

Just as I was about to leave the train station to head for the bus station with my new Spanish lady friend named Olga (we met while waiting in line), we were approached by a smooth-talking (read: creepy) German man who said that he could get us tickets on the sleeper train.  I was not really interested in his help, especially after he divulged to us that he was a "trader of sorts."  Sorts, I'm sure, really meaning drugs, weapons, or people-- neither of which I would like to be involved in...  especially the last one.

But alas!  Thanks to the German guy, within 5 minutes, Olga and I were offered tickets on the sleeper train that we had just been told was sold out.  And the price was not even marked up!  So we took them.

Risky?  Eh... maybe.

Okay, I'm not gonna lie.  I was kind of paranoid the whole time that the German "trader" was going to abduct me.  I was a little comforted, though, by the fact that Olga looked like she could take him.  Unless Olga worked for German guy... So I devised a back up plan to call my co-worker Beth and leave my phone in my pocket so that she could find me after the abduction.  (Beth is related to Chuck Norris.)  Yep.  Fool proof.

So I was off!

Here is what a sleeper train car looks like....

S-KETCH-yyyy.  I know.  It totally looks like something out of a horror film.  But that is probably only because it was night time... and because Olga and I were the ONLY two people in this train car.  Us and the German trader, of course.  (I dont know, but something tells me that the train people were not supposed to sell us those tickets...)

But once the train started moving and I climbed into my little bunk and closed the curtain, this odd situation did not seem so scary anymore.

The beds on the sleeper train are actually pretty comfy-- softer than the bed in my apartment!  And the loud drone of the train moving along the tracks coupled with a good book put me right to sleep.  Next (conscious) stop for Gracie-Grace, Chiang Mai.

And whaddaya know... I did not get abducted, and I woke up with all of my organs and belongings.

So, I met with my lawyer.  Signed a bajillion papers.  Went with her assistant to Immigration.  Enjoyed a latte during my stress-free wait.  And then we were done!  I still had a few hours left before I needed to be at the train station to catch the night train back to Bangkok, so I headed to the mall in search of this....

Obviously, I found it.  And ate it.  Thank you, supporters, for this delicious cheese pizza.  It is not something I splurge on often, but I figured after my near-abduction experience, it was well warranted.  ;)

After pizza, it was back to the train station.  When I left the mall, I got into a song thaew headed to the train station with this Australian man (who only had one arm) and his wife.  It turned out that we were on the same train to Bangkok.  The mall was less than 5 miles away from the train station.  We left the mall more than an hour before the train was supposed to depart.  Our song thaew got stuck in traffic.

5 miles + 1 hour of traffic = 3 farang (white people) who missed their train.

Dannnnnng it.  The tickets were non-refundable, and the only other train to Bangkok that night was a seating-only, non-air conditioned train.  Really?? Will I be reduced to the bus yet again?

Oh!  But how convenient... the song thaew driver is willing to drive us to the next train station... for 500 baht (about $16 USD) a piece.  That is suspiciously just-barely-cheaper than a bus or train ticket.  Well, we have no other option at this point, and if we deliberate too long, catching the train will no longer be an option.  So we (very begrudgingly) take the song thaew to the next train station.

It sucked to spend the extra money, but at least we got to enjoy this sunset on the ride...

AND, since I was stuck with this Australian couple in the song thaew for another hour-and-a-half, I got a chance to ask the man why he only had one arm.  He said he grew up in the Outback and it got bitten off by crocodile when he was a kid.

I was like NO way!!  Beth and I were just talking about how we wished we had some awesome injury like that so that we could tell other people about it!

But he was just kidding.  His dad ran him over with a lawn mower.  By accident, of course.  But he was too young to remember it anyway.  They were a lovely couple.

Well, we did indeed arrive at the next train station with plenty of time to catch the train headed to Bangkok.  And it turned out there was a night market just around the corner from the station.  I love market food (chicken kebabs and mango with sticky rice), so it was a win-win situation... except for the extra 500 baht, that is.

Nestled in a sleeper train top bunk for the second night in a row, I fell asleep to the end of Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility, and the loud but comforting rattle of the train down the tracks towards home.

Nine hours later, morning is ushered in on the train with not-so-delicious instant coffee, and the bunk beds being folded down into seats.  I spent the last hour of my trip staring out the window at the beautiful green rice fields of central Thailand, watching as the dense fog, thick as clouds, curled upwards into the balmy sky.

Then home again.  Then shower.  Then sleep.

Thanks for coming along for the ride. :)

no one should be for sale

Dear friends,

I am an abolitionist.  Yes, I am also a campus minister.  Yes, I am young and have very little idea of what career path I might take.  No, I do not have a law degree, nor am I a politician.  No, I have never stormed a sweatshop or a brothel and set the captives free.  But I am certain of one thing:  from here on out, I will never again be someone who does nothing about the 27 million people who are slaves in the world today.  And that is what makes me an abolitionist.

27 million is no small number.

I am new to this abolitionist thing... My first step is to gather information-- to educate myself and others.  I recently heard of a video contest on Facebook hosted by "Not For Sale."  The winner of the contest will be sent to a global forum on human trafficking.  I decided to enter the contest...

and that is where YOU come in.

If you have a Facebook account, I need you to vote for my video at <http://apps.facebook.com/whcontests/i-am-an-abolitionist>.  My video is entitled "No one should be for sale."  (Not to be confused with "Because no one should be for sale.")  It is not the greatest video, but I hope that you (and others) will see the honesty of my heart in it.  You can vote up to 10 times a day, now through midnight on January 30th.  Just press vote 10 times in a row!

Even if you do not vote, and even I do not win the contest, I still urge you to do your own research and allow your own heart to be changed by what you learn.

But I would appreciate it if you did vote.  :)

it must have been worth the risk

I do not claim to be wise.  I am by no means a theologian.  But I do have faith, and that faith sometimes brings me to difficult places.  There are things about God and his plan that I just do not understand.  There are parts of the Bible that do not make sense to me.  At times, it is very hard to trust who I know God to be.

Let me be really vulnerable and honest with you...  I confess that it has been hard lately for me to trust that God is all good.

As I lean in closer and closer to the Lord, I lose more and more control over my own life.  He asks for it from me, and I cannot help but give it to him.  It is freeing, yes, in the times when my soul is sure of God's absolute goodness.  But in the times when suffering is great and understanding is little, it is terrifying to continue to lean closer still, handing over my heart and my desires.  I find myself shrinking back, withdrawing my hand from the Lord's, afraid to continue walking with him-- because what if God is taking me somewhere I do not want to go?  What if God is leading me to suffering instead of peace?  Or, in other words:

What if God is not ALL good?

And there it is... the doubt of all doubts.  I think that this is a seed of deceit that Satan plants in our minds from infancy.  It might possibly be the most dangerous lie we could ever believe.  If we doubt that God is all good, we are doubting the very principle that lies at the core of creation and even God himself.  Let me show you what I mean:

God created the world.                                                    God created the world.
+ God is all good.                                        OR              + The world contains evil.
= Therefore, the world must be all good.                            = Therefore, God must not be all good.

See how easy it is for our intellect to poke holes in God's goodness?  Neither one of these logical equations yields a conclusion that is true.  God is all good, but the world does indeed contain evil-- these are contradictory statements, which makes God's absolute goodness a paradox.  This leaves me with a more complicated, much more assuming argument than either of the first:

God is all good, all powerful, all knowing.
+ God created free will, which is the agent by which evil exists in the world.
= Therefore, God must have considered it worth the risk of evil to grant the world free will.

It must have been worth the risk.  I do not pretend that this is the entire answer to the presence of evil in the world, but I do believe that it is part of it.  Maybe it makes me simple-minded, but it is often satisfactory-enough of an answer for me to find my trust and hope in the Lord once again.  Suffering, pain, confusion, and death are all a reality... But it is Satan who comes only to seal, kill, lie, and destroy.  God is the God of Truth who comes to give us life, and give it abundantly.  If God were not all good, his promises would mean nothing.  But his promises do mean something.  I can type those words easily, believing every single one of them in my heart.  Why is it so hard, then, to practice the ruthless trust of God's goodness in my life? 

Here is what I think:  even if we trust that God is all good, that does not mean that we will always be able to understand God's perfect will and his working in our life.  Ruthless trust of God's goodness does provide strength to continue believing the Lord, but it does not take away the inevitable lack of understanding that occurs when a finite being and an infinite God enter into relationship and walk side by side.

It is not God's will that we should suffer.  It is God's will that our lives are full of good things-- that is, full of him.  When God makes promises, we must trust that the fulfillment of that promise is worth the risk that there may be suffering and confusion along the way.  God is not deceitful.  He does not play games or tricks.  His word can be trusted because his "all-goodness" is true.  And when God promises good things, we can trust him to make good on that promise.

And so, I continue to lean in closer.  I look down and realize I never really drew my hand away from the Lord, because his right hand holds me fast.  I choose not to shrink back, but to stand in the light and allow it to wash over me.  I choose to continue believing in God's goodness.

This following Jesus thing is not easy.  Trusting God is at times very difficult.  But it is oh-so-worth the risk...

being made new, pt. 2

God is able to completely redeem and revive what is damaged and use it for his purpose and his glory.

This truth has been so comforting and so evident to me over the last month.   Here at Grapevine, we have been working hard to clean and restore this place back to working order.  It took many long days of hard work, but with diligent attention, we made it through.  We cleaned the floors, scrubbed the grout, washed and painted the walls, carried out armloads and armloads of trash, ordered new furniture, dusted, swept, mopped, and cleaned in any other capacity you can think of.

But it was joyful work.  It was very exciting to watch the transformation take place before our eyes.  It felt like I was on a CCF spring break trip, only for an extended period of time, and with way fewer people.  And, as it was during the month of December, we listened to Christmas music every day. :)

Here are some before and after shots for you...

we had to replace the molded game cabinet.

the kitchen floor.

the kitchen.  even though we raised it up, the refrigerator was still submerged at the bottom.

the main room.  check out that floor!

the office/movie room.  our new favorite place to be.

And as I said in part 1 of this blog about the restoration of Grapevine (being made new), it was not just the building of Grapevine that would be changing.  Our team lost another member, bringing us to only three.  And the Thammasat University semester was shaken up by the flood.  With a crazy schedule and fewer hands to distribute the work load, we had to re-think and re-design the way that we will do ministry this semester.  Since the flood forced us to miss some of our favorite holidays with the students, we decided we would celebrate them anyway!  This is going to be a semester of holidays-- Christmas and Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day, Mardis Gras and Easter... and of course, Halloween, which is not until March, but our students are already excited about.

I, too, am very excited for this semester.  God is teaching me many things, and I know he will do great things in me and through me for His Kingdom.  God is completely able to continue transforming this place, and the lives that the Grapevine student club has become a part of.

27 million.

That is the estimated number of people who are slaves in the world today.  Yes, slaves.

Human trafficking was something that I heard quite a bit about during my last couple of years at college.  I have lots of friends who are passionate about this serious social issue, and who are quick to share their hearts with others for the millions that are oppressed.  So, I cannot say that I was not aware that it existed before I came to Thailand...

But I can honestly say that it did not seem real to me.

And I confess that the main reason for my ignorance was because I chose to make it something small.

Maybe you can identify with me a little...  If I chose to perceive the issue as being far removed from my own life, I could listen to my friends on the subject with compassion, and still feel absolutely no responsibility or obligation whatsoever.  As long as the issue felt far away, it felt small.  And if the issue was small, how could it be that my clothes were stitched by slaves, my electronics were assembled by slaves, and in my city lived women and children who were forced into prostitution against their will?  No, no, no... A small issue certainly cannot be so pervasive...

But 27 million is no small number.

It is the entire state of Texas.  It is the entire country of Nepal.  It is almost 7 times the number of slaves that existed in America at the time of the Civil War.  It is about 3 times the number of the victims of the Holocaust.  It is more than 3 times the number of people that die from cancer each year.

Slavery is not legal in any country in the world.  And yet, modern day slavery is a $30+ billion a year criminal industry that stretches across every single national border.  Trafficked human beings can be found in every major city in the world.  This is no exaggeration, and this is no small issue.

Believe me, I understand that out of sight equals out of mind far too often for us humans.  I have heard all of my life that there are starving children in Africa, but it was not real to me until I saw it with my own eyes.  And it is not just children that are starving-- it is the parents and grandparents as well.  Entire families, entire communities, entire slums full of people.  The thing about global poverty, though, is that although it is huge and devastating, it is not invisible.  It is possible for poverty to be isolated and ignored, but it cannot truly be hidden.  The modern day slave trade, on the other hand, is not isolated, and thrives precisely because it is hidden.  Human trafficking lurks and lives in every shadow, just out of sight-- and most certainly out of mind.  It is like a pandemic, fatal disease that everyone has, but no one seems to have figured out the symptoms for.

The United States wages war against terrorism, war against drugs... but the "war against slavery" is considered long over to most Americans.   The too-little-known truth, though, is that there are slaves still, in places like San Fransisco, Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City...  That was hard to swallow for me.

And who are these slaves, you may be wondering?

They are 13 year old girls from Thailand and Cambodia whose parents sell them to pimps so that they can feed the rest of the family.

They are entire families in India who are abducted under the pretense of false debt and forced to work long, brutal hours at brick kilns or carpet factories for no pay.

They are child soldiers in war-stricken Uganda, as young as 7 years old, who are forced to kill or to be killed, to rape or to be raped.

They are young European women who are tricked into traveling to distant countries under the lure of a good paying job, but instead are raped upon arrival and forced into prostitution.

They are the street children of South America, who have no other option than to become house servants, laborers, and sex slaves to the wealthy.

They are Chinese women brought to the Unites States, working 17- hour days at massage parlors, unable to speak the language, and unable to escape.

They are men.  They are women.  They are children.    They are oppressed.  They are powerless.

They are REAL.

During my past few months here in Thailand, human trafficking and the modern day slave trade has become real to me.  But I must emphasize my regret that it took being in Thailand for my eyes to be opened.  I could have just as easily chosen to see it in the United States.  Because although modern day slavery lies just below the threshold of sight, it only takes a scratch to be able to see in.  Much of my passion for this social atrocity was ignited when I happened upon a book called Not For Sale-- which does NOT require being in Thailand. You (yes, YOU) should buy it, read it, and share it with others.  This book paints a picture of the issue in a way that helped me realize the enormity of it, and it tells in harsh truth the reality of what slavery looks like today.

Also, due to an interesting series of events (which I believe to be none other than the hand of God in my life), I have been introduced to a ministry here in Bangkok called Nightlight which ministers to women who are forced into prostitution.  In my few nights of volunteering with them on outreach, I have seen first hand a portion of the faces that make up the 27 million.  They are real people, and the darkness that has them trapped is a real darkness.

I am sharing all of this with you here because it is something that the Lord is teaching me to be passionate about.  Knowing what I know now, I can't not do anything.  I can no longer choose not to see or to feel for these 27 million people.  I hope that you, also, will scratch at the surface and allow yourself to see what lies beneath.

the earth melts

Recently, someone asked me what I meant when I said that "God told me something."  She asked what it was like when I knew that something was God's presence and voice instead of my own thoughts and feelings.  I did not get a chance to answer her question fully right then (and honestly, I wasn't really sure what to say), but it left me thinking of it for quite some time.  How do I know when I have heard from the Lord or felt his presence?  Or at least, how do I describe that to someone else?

Later that day, someone shared a verse with me, and when I heard it, I knew that it was precisely the expression I had been looking for-- the words that describe exactly what my heart feels like when I find myself in the presence of God.

" There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

        the holy habitation of the Most High.
    God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
        God will help her when morning dawns.
    The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
        he utters his voice, the earth melts.
    The LORD of hosts is with us;
        the God of Jacob is our fortress. "
(Psalm 46:4-7 ESV)

Out of tumult, confusion, chaos-- He utters his voice, the earth melts.  Simple, yet deeply profound. These words could have come straight from my own soul.  It reminds me of the story of Moses, when he unexpectedly meets the burning bush-- God's presence and voice-- and there is nothing else for him to do but take his sandals off because he is on holy ground.  I bet that Moses felt like the earth melted around him... like there was nothing else that existed but him and this beautiful, terrifying, Truth-filled voice that he heard resonating from his heart.  And the Lord speaks clearly and resolutely to Moses as one who is both his servant and his friend.  He shows Moses something wonderful that he is doing, then invites Moses to be an integral part of it.  The Lord then encourages Moses saying "I will be with you."

Goodness gracious. This is so beautiful to me.  It is so similar to the way that I experience God.  A burning bush comes out of nowhere, then instantaneously the earth melts.  It is these rare moments in which I am able to forget about myself long enough to see the living God, and He is gracious enough to speak to me, that my faith rests most upon.  It is not Scripture or knowledge or this great cloud of witnesses I am surrounded by, but the instances when the earth melts that have given me a real trust and a real relationship with my Savior.  Not to say those other things do not matter-- just to say that my personal encounters with the Lord breathe life into my faith more than anything else.

My dear friend Clive Staples says it way better than I could in his book Mere Christianity:

"The point is, God wants you to know Him: wants to give you Himself.  And He and you are two things of such a kind that if you really get into any kind of touch with Him you will, in fact, be humble-- delightedly humble, feeling the infinite relief of having for once got rid of all the silly nonsense about your own dignity which has made you restless and unhappy all your life.  He is trying to make you humble in order to make this moment possible: trying to take off a lot of silly ugly, fancy dress in which we have all got ourselves up and are strutting about like the little idiots we are.  I wish I had got a bit further with humility myself: if I had, I could probably tell you more about the relief, the comfort of taking the fancy dress off-- getting rid of the false self with all its posing and posturing.  To get even near it, even for a moment, is like a drink of cold water to a man in a desert.

My experience of God, if even for a moment, is like a drink of cold water (or a burning bush) to a man in a desert.  There is nothing I can do but take my sandals off and drink it all in: Truth, peace, quietness, joy, astonishment, worship, relief, clarity, humility, and grace.

He utters his voice.  The earth melts.

blessed is she who believes

[Forward:
I recently listened to a CCF sermon by Jessie Elledge on the topic of faithfulness.  She taught using the story of Abraham to show that being faithful may not be easy or comfortable, but it is absolutely best.  If you choose faithfulness, you might become lonely or alienated.  If you choose faithfulness, you might have to wait a long time to receive what the Lord has promised.  If you choose faithfulness, you might be tempted at times to take control back from God.  If you choose faithfulness, you might have to do things that do not make sense.
But If you choose faithfulness, you will see the Living God at work in your life.
In Abraham's case, God promised that his wife would bear a child in her old age, and that Abraham would become the father of many nations through this child.  This was the promise of something that only God could do.  Abraham believed God.  He remained faithful to God.  And God kept his promise to Abraham.]

__________________________________________________________________________________

This Christmas season, I have been captivated by the story of the birth of Jesus and I have spent much time reading and re-reading the passages at the beginning of the Gospel of Luke which detail the account.  In light of what I have learned of faithfulness, there is a certain part of the nativity account which has struck me in a way unlike ever before.

What I am talking about, and what this blog post is about, is the story of Mary.  Her humility, the Lord's goodness, her belief and trust, the Lord's perfect plan and sovereignty-- and the faithfulness of them both.

And [the angel Gabriel] came to her and said, “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!” But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be.

I have always been confused with this part of the story.  Mary seems like she is a bit wary and un-trusting of what the angel is saying to her.  But I took a closer look, and the Greek word used here for "greatly troubled" refers not to one who is anxious or fearful, but to one who is emotionally moved, whose heart has been stirred. Mary's heart is not been hardened!  I imagine that she is overcome by the wonder of feeling God's presence within her.  This simple phrase does not show that she was weak of spirit, but rather that her spirit was willing to be moved by God.  This tells me that Mary has taken a posture of humility and trust before the Lord.

And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus.

Again, our English translation does not do justice to the profoundness of what is being said between Mary and Gabriel.  In saying that she has "found favor," the angel proclaims that Mary has come upon grace.  She has been met with the loving kindness, good will, and mercy of the God of the Universe.  God has chosen to bestow upon Mary that which affords joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, loveliness.  Finding favor with God means that Mary has been given the undeserved gift of grace.

And not only has she been given grace, God also makes a promise to Mary that her son will be the long-awaited Messiah.  This was the promise of something that only God could do.

And Mary said to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?”

This is another instance in which I assume Mary's intention wrongly based on my understanding of the language.  I have always thought that Mary's asking "how" is an expression of doubt-- that she does not fully believe yet that what the angel foretold can actually be accomplished.  But I think that I was wrong about Mary.  This Greek word for "how" does not imply suspicion or distrust, but instead shows the heart of one who is desiring to be taught.  Mary was not questioning God.  She was seeking him.

And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you...  For nothing will be impossible with God.” 

The angel answers her.  I don't know if you will see this as beautiful or not, but it is my favorite part of the story.  God does not choose to treat Mary as a servant who is not privileged enough to know her Master's business.  On the contrary, because of her belief and trust in him, she is treated as a friend of the Master.  It is like God is letting her in on the most beautiful intricacies of his perfect plan-- even when he was not obligated to.  And what is God's secret?  Nothing is impossible for him.  This blows my mind.  After this kind of encounter, I can only imagine that Mary's heart would have not been able to keep from worshiping the Lord in beauty and in truth.

And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”
   
Mary believed in the Living God.  She chose to be the Lord's servant-- to remain faithful to him.  And God kept his promise, even to a teenage girl.

I just think that is breathtaking.

The last part of the story that I love is the way that God takes care of everything else, and in doing so, confirms to Mary what he promised her.  He sends an angel to straighten things out with Joseph.  He sends the three wise men from the orient to proclaim Jesus as King.  He endows Mary's relative Elizabeth with the Holy Spirit, affirming that this child truly was the Lord.

And Elizabeth exclaimed, "blessed is she who believes that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord!”