Sorry I've been gone for so long. Maybe you noticed? Maybe not... I'm not even so sure that very many people read my blog. I think of this weird cyberspace as more of a personal letter to a few people who I would tell these things to anyway, but distance and time zones and busy lives make it hard to communicate. But I have missed it, blogging. During my time in here in Thailand, I have found joy in sharing my thoughts and feelings with you (all 2 of you) here.
There is something life-giving about transparency and vulnerability. And that is just what I am looking for-- life.
The reason for my absence? I have been unwell. Not physically. But emotionally. Spiritually. I have had trouble understanding the Lord lately... and it has left me scrambling for some semblance of peace and security to rest in. Many days for my heart are hard and long, and the fight to control my thoughts saps all my heart-strength.
But I am on my way up...
"He who did not spare His Son, but gave him up for us all-- how will He not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" -Romans 8:32
because of the Son. Because Jesus is where I am finding peace and security and rest. And I do not mean to say I rest in what Jesus has to offer, but in Jesus himself. And how will the Father not also-- because of His goodness-- take care of all else? Supply all else. Give all else.
I have been listening to this song lately that my friend Aubrey shared with me: "Come on my soul, let down the walls, and sing, my soul, it's time to look up." Simple lyrics, but so beautifully captivating... alluring... drawing me closer to Truth. The more I listen to this song, the more I can feel my soul being coaxed into the light. Into the Son, that is.
I think that much of my confusion and unwell-ness lately has come from looking back-- or forward, for that matter-- when all that is necessary is to look up.
Another source of encouragement has come from this blog post by my dear friend Dana: "I’ve been asking the Lord to uproot and untangle the mess of thoughts and hopes that is my head and my heart – to take his Masterful hands and loosen, free and clean up every root that’s grasping to stay in its place. I want to stop digging my roots into the old, dried, cracked soil so that He can replant me in the fertile, nutrient-rich soil that will allow this plant to grow and thrive…to spread out its roots by the stream, fed by the Living Water. But to do this, it’s time to stop looking back."
It's time to start looking up.
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