being made new

In my experience, one of the things that God does best is transformation.  I have seen it over and over in my heart, in others, in Scripture…

Night to day. 

Darkness to light. 

Death to life. 

Evil to good. 

God has a unique and beautiful way of making things new.  This is exciting for many reasons… I mean, I know that I want to be made new, I want to see other people made new, I want the world to be made new.

This is also good news because, if you had not heard, there was a flood in Thailand.  More than a third of the country, including Grapevine, was underwater for weeks.  The water has receded and we are back at Grapevine now, but mostly everything inside of Grapevine was damaged beyond use.  Here are just a few photos….

 

My first thoughts upon returning... “Lord, where do we start?  And where do we go from here?”

It is not only the furniture at Grapevine that was damaged.  The whole semester has been shaken up and the Grapevine staff has decreased in size.  Annual events like the Halloween party, Thanksgiving and Christmas parties, and the retreat may not happen now.   Thammasat students are beginning their semester two months later than normal and will likely be taking Saturday classes to make up for lost time.  Grapevine events will wind up looking just as different as Grapevine itself.

Whether we asked for it or not, Grapevine is being made new.

And after the initial shock of it, it is quite exciting that we have front row seats to watch God do what he does best:  transform.  I am encouraged when I remember that God already has a plan for what he is going to do with us and in us this semester.  God is able to completely redeem and revive what is damaged and use it for his purpose and his glory.

JOY

I love Christmas.

In my book, the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas is truly the most wonderful time of the year.  I have loved it ever since I was a little girl.  There is something about the glow of Christmas lights mingling with the smell of Christmas cookies and Bing Crosby’s Christmas album playing in the background that makes it seem as though all is well in the world.  I like the cold weather, I love gathering with family, I like giving gifts, I love eating holiday food, I like Christmas music on the radio, and I love the decorations.

Another thing I love about Christmas is that it makes it so easy to talk about Jesus.  It is one of the few times of the year that I do not feel like a weirdo for finding so much joy in my faith in Christ.  Because that is what everyone is doing.  I mean, there are probably not many people in America who (whether they are believers or not) do not know that Christmas is supposed to be about Jesus.  There are also many Americans who do not celebrate it as such, but at Christmastime, even non-Christians will join in to a chorus of “Joy to the World” even if they do not believe what the verses were meant to convey… because its Christmas.

I know there are lots of Christians who hate what Christmas has become in America—the “holiday season,” all about shopping, consumerism, and forced family interaction.  Drop a dime in the Salvation Army bucket to feel like you have done your part in feeding the poor, then head into Starbucks and buy your $5 latte… Yes, I know.  But isn’t there something exciting about the widespread acknowledgement of the birth of Jesus Christ, year after year?  Even if the acknowledgement is mixed in with Kohl’s advertisements, it is there.  I think that Christmas is a perfect time for churches and Christians to share the Truth of Christ with people when they are most willing to hear it.  And no, I do not consider “sharing the truth of Christ” something that fits on a bumper sticker.  It is something much more intimate than that.

But I am not in America this Christmas.

I am in Thailand.

I must admit, I was worried that spending Christmas in Thailand was going to be awful.  I fully expected to have a culture shock melt down by now… no silver bells, no candy canes, no lights, no trees, no baking, no family, no caroling, no snow, no nativity scenes… How will I even survive?!

I am very happy to say that this is one expectation of Thailand that has not been met.  On the contrary, I have thoroughly enjoyed the holiday season so far.  Yes, most of the things I love about Christmas are not here: family, food, cold weather, nationwide decorations… But there is one thing that remains the same in Thailand…

Jesus.

Although I do miss spending Christmas in America, I can honestly say that Christmas in Thailand has allowed me to find great JOY in the birth of my Savior—a different kind of joy than the joy given by Christmas lights and Bing Crosby.   It is a joy that I can feel flowing within me, a kind of expectancy of something big and beautiful that God is about to do.  It is a joy that has caused me to wake up with a smile on my face in the morning, my first thought being of God’s goodness to send us salvation in the most unlikely of circumstances.  Joy, that the child of a virgin was the Son of God.  Joy, that there is hope.  Joy, that there is grace and peace and forgiveness and light.  Joy, that there is Jesus.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

my daddy

So, I was on facebook and I clicked on a link to a youtube video which boasted the best marriage proposal ever.  It was indeed cool.  But then once I was on youtube, it was hard for me to pull myself away (anyone who knows me knows I am a youtube junkie).  I clicked on related link after related link on the side of the page, and before I knew it, I was crying my eyes out watching videos of families reuniting.  I felt like my mom.

Most of the videos went like this:  daddy was away at war and comes home early, little girl is sitting in her first grade classroom, daddy walks in, little girl sees him and is barely able to squeak out any word but “Daddy,” little girl runs straight for him, daddy opens his arms, daddy and little girl tearfully and happily embrace.

It got me thinking…. First, about my own Dad.  About what a good father he is and how much I love him and how I cannot wait to see him.  I can guarantee you that no matter what time it is or what the weather is like, my Dad will be among the faces welcoming me home from Thailand when I arrive at the Kansas City airport.  No matter what the cost or inconvenience to him, he will be there.  You see, my Dad is a selfless man—he has loved me since before I even knew what love was.  And he might not know it, but my Dad has taught me more than anyone else about love, trust, patience, perseverance and humility.  I do not know many people with a faith like my father’s.  And that is the honest truth.  And I know lots of people of faith.

Me and my Daddy.

And then I started thinking of God. 

I most often call God by the name of “Father,” but I must admit that it kinda weirds me out when people refer to God as “Daddy.”  But as I watched these little girls and their daddies, I could see my relationship with God in it more and more.  You see, my Father is a selfless Being.  He created me solely to love me.  And he has loved me since the beginning of creation.  But there has been this great separation…  a divorce, if you will.  And because of it, I cannot receive his love as fully as he created me to.

I have been reading this book by Donald Miller called Searching For God Knows What.  It is all about how we were created to be in relationship—that is, for our value and worth to come from outside of ourselves.  Now, that might sound bad at first, and it is bad when the something “outside of ourselves” is finite or less than all-good, less than all-loving… less than God.  We were created to be in relationship with God—for Him to fill us up and tell us who we are, to tell us we are loved.  But then there was this thing called sin, and ever since then, things between us have been kind of muddled.    Darkness has reigned, and we try in vain to find our worth from less-than-worthy sources.

I don't know about you, but I can feel that.  I feel that things are not as they ought to have been.

But God has promised that it will not always be this way.  There will be a day in the future when The Lord will come, He will make all things new, He will make all of us new, and He will dwell with us again.  He will tell us who we are, and we will finally feel defined in a way we never have before.  

I confess that at times I selfishly (and stupidly) ask God to hold off on his return.  I want to live life, ya know… What if I never get married or have children, or what if I don't have the time to spend my life on some career that I think will prove to God that I really do love him…  But when I watch the videos of these little girls, I think more and more that I will not mind so much when I actually see his face.  When I hear his voice call my name and he kneels down to hold me.   

Goodness.

I have no words to express my yearning for this reunion.  I think the only word I will be able to squeak out is “Daddy…” and I won’t even think it sounds silly at all. 

I am already excited to see my Dad when I return from Thailand, even though it is many months off.  I am sure we will happily and tearfully reunite.  Maybe someone will even record it and put it on youtube to make other people cry…  But there is a greater reunion which awaits me—and my Dad for that matter.  It is the reunion with our Father, which the whole world will see and feel.  On that day, we will be like little first graders, unable to utter a word, surprised and delighted beyond containment, running to open arms…  

thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving from Thailand!

As I walked to the store this morning on the busy streets of Bangkok, I felt a little homesick.  Today is just a normal day in Thailand.  The people aren't excited to get home and feast with their families.  No one has already begun to put up Christmas decorations.  All the restaurants are still full of customers on their way to or from work... just like any other day.

Even though I cannot be there with you all in person, I would still like to join in the spirit of giving thanks, even though I am a world away.

So here goes....  I am thankful for:

My friend Dana, who plays the thankful game quite often.
All of my other friends, for that matter.  Those in and outside of Thailand.
Eating turkey in Thailand.  Twice.  Which is apparently quite the delicacy.
Gaining new connections with other believers from all over the world.
Christmas music.
Delicious apple crisp for dessert.
Jane Austen.
Starbucks holiday lattes.
Fresh pineapple for breakfast.  In November.
Cooking with my team all day.
Fall-colored cardigans.
Families.
My family.
The promise of being in God's family.
God's relentless pursuit of his people.  Myself included.
Jesus, my relationship with him, and a hope that cannot be overcome.

This is just a small sample from the two-and a half pages I filled in my journal this evening.

And yes, in case you were concerned for my well being, I did get to celebrate Thanksgiving today-- and surprisingly enough, it was with mostly Thai people who just wanted to celebrate the holiday for fun.  Otherwise, there probably would not have been any festivities.  We had the three essentials: turkey, mashed potatoes, and pumpkin pie, along with lots of other wonderful, very-American dishes.  I am still stuffed.  :)

What are you thankful for today?...

Jesus saves

Goodness gracious.  One of the things I like least about myself is how incredibly fickle I am.  God shows me things-- beautiful, wonderful things that strengthen my heart and fill my spirit with joy and confidence in Him.  I feel so grateful to have finally grown in my faith in some new and encouraging way...

And then it happens.  I lose it.

I am not sure how it happens, but I inevitably mess it all up just a few short weeks or months later.  Why do I seem to be incapable of retaining the things that the Lord teaches me?  Why must I relearn every single lesson?

Well, because sometimes, relearning it is more beautiful than the first time.  I've been a bit cryptic so far, so let me just be straight with you and tell you what I am talking about.  I have been believing a lot of lies lately.  Lies that I am not loved, I am not free, and I most certainly do not deserve to be.  I have been believing that to fear is better than to trust.

And then a few nights ago, I had this conversation with the Lord at 2AM.  I was feeling broken, defeated, and alone.  Then I remembered this song by Shane and Shane, (it will really help if you listen to the song) and here is what happened in my journal as I prayed...

“
[I am in the regular font, Jesus is in italics]

my hands are stained                                                     Your hands have been cleansed already

how could I fall so far, so fast?                                     Do not worry, I will pick you up myself

cursed are the ones who can't abide, cursed am I.        Cursed was the one who hung on a tree

the stench of my sin is overwhelming                           I say to you 'go and sin no more, daughter'

how dare I?..                                                                  You are RIGHTEOUS

I need to be seen                                                            I see you, Grace

I need tears                                                                    I will give them to you

     Jesus...
[a deep breath and a long pause, tears now rolling down my face]

I will never have the strength I need                             I am strong enough

but I will only fall again, Lord                                      I will catch you

how dare I even try?..                                        Your name is on my hand, Grace, you are RIGHTEOUS

I am a fool to think I can control... to think I can do good        You are Mine and I love you

who am I to deserve goodness?                                    I love you

so weak                                                                         So forgiven

so selfish                                                                       So protected

I need to be seen                                                          I see you

Jesus, the devil is preaching...                                     The devil is a LIAR

... Jesus saves ...

[followed by another deep breath, an even longer pause, and tears now pouring down my face]

I am not alone                                                              I am always with you, Gracie

and I do not have to be afraid                                     Never, Gracie

I am redeemed, but no, I cannot gain salvation          I will be your salvation
                                ”
I hate being the kind of sheep that wanders away all the time.  But I love being the kind of sheep that is rescued over and over.  God is faithful.  He is relentless.  He is gentle and patient.  He is more powerful than the enemy.  He is love.

Yes, I do believe that to TRUST is better than to fear.

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord; whose trust IS the Lord.  He is like a tree planted by water that sends out its roots by the stream and does not fear when the heat comes.  For its leaves are always green and it is not anxious in the year of drought.  That tree will never cease to bear fruit."

Jeremiah 17: 7-8

the great globalscope give

Dear blog readers,

WATCH THIS VIDEO:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=BD0igKoZSrY

I am guessing that if you are actually reading my blog, that means you have at least some invested interest in what I am doing here in Thailand.  You and I might be friends, or family, or you are a supporter of my ministry.  Whatever the case, you care enough about me to read what I write. And if you care enough to read what I write, chances are, you might care about some of the same things I do. 

And as it turns out, there are quite a few other people who feel the same way as me.  Grapevine, the ministry I work for, is one of six other ministries at universities all over the world which make up "Globalscope."  Globalscope is the international campus ministry branch of Christian Missionary Fellowship, Intl., a large missions agency based out of Indianapolis with various ministries in more than 16 different countries.

I have met many of the other Globalscope campus ministers from Germany, Spain, Mexico, Chile, Scotland, and England, and I can tell you that they care deeply about college students and their relationships with God.  They (we) all work hard because we believe that what we are doing does not just matter for now, but matters for eternity.

So what is this blog post about?

The Great Globalscope Give.

This is a campaign running now through Wednesday November 23rd designed to help out all of the Globalscope ministries.  You can text GLOBAL to 85944 and reply Yes to the follow up text and $10.00 will be charged to your next cell phone bill. All of the money raised will be split between all the Globalscope teams-- including Grapevine here in Thailand.  This is an easy and tangible way that you can make a difference in many people's lives.  For our ministry, this will be extra money to help with flood clean up.  For other ministries, it might look like fixing broken equipment or being able to pay national volunteers and interns.  In any of our ministries, I can assure you it will make a difference.

WATCH THIS VIDEO:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=BD0igKoZSrY

If you have ever been connected with or impacted by a campus ministry, I urge you to watch the video and consider giving.

festival of lights

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity of witnessing part of a Buddhist festival called Loi Khrathong (loy-gah-tong).  The main part of the holiday involves sending off little decorated boats onto the river to pay respect to the water spirits.  Like many other long-standing traditions, the meaning of the ritual is not exactly the reason that most Thais are doing it, but it is to have fun and build common experience among a people. 

I did not go to a boat launch, but instead, I went to a wat (temple) in Chiang Mai for a different part of the festival that is only celebrated in the North.  It is a festival of lights called Yi Peng, and it is celebrated as a part of Loi Khrathong because they take place during the same lunar cycle (but they do not really originate from the same thing).  At Yi Peng, huge floating lanterns are sent off into the night sky to honor Lord Buddha, asking for forgiveness and making merit.

It is a beautiful festival...

 

...like something straight out of the Disney movie Tangled.  As a Christian, though, it is kind of a heartbreaking festival as well.  I watched as thousands of Thais performed an act which they may or may not have believed was releasing them from their sin and giving them good favor. [this video shows what I am talking about]

I believe that this world is incredibly spirit-filled, that there is much more than meets the eye... and that spirit that gives life to the world is the HOLY Spirit of the One, True, Living God.  The Spirit that lives in me is the same Holy Spirit which God breathes into all of humankind-- into each Thai person who sent off a lantern-- that brings forth life.  It is the same spirit that enables the trees to "clap their hands" and mountains to "sing out in praise" (Isaiah 55).  Yes, I do believe the SPIRIT is in and all around us.

And it breaks my heart that so many people cannot see it.  They only see the false shadow of it.

I have a dream-- a prayer.  That maybe one day the same festival will be celebrated in Thailand, but with a very different meaning.  I can imagine the festival of light taking place among Believers, celebrating the living Spirit that burns within them, shedding light in the darkness, turning night to day.  I can imagine a redemption of the practice, which will come from the redemption of hearts.  I can imagine lanterns of hope instead of lanterns of merit.

"All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made.  In him was life, and that life was the light of men.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."     John 1:3-5