life as a refugee

I have not seen my apartment since October 15th when I left for vacation with Dana.  We spent 8 days enjoying the best of adventure that Thailand has to offer, then it was back "home" for each of us.  Dana returned to Pattaya where she works and lives, an area that is still and will most likely remain unaffected by the floods.  I returned to Bangkok.  As you know from my other blog posts, the area north of Bangkok where I live was severely flooded, and I could not (and still cannot) make it to my apartment.  It will probably be another couple of weeks before my apartment will be accessible.

I spent one night at an over-crowded church with other missionaries, including my team members.  The climate is one of resigned expectancy.  The residents of Bangkok have heard for weeks that "the water is coming..."  And the water is still coming.  It is a waiting game-- waiting for the water to come, waiting for it to go, waiting to see how bad it will be.  Just waiting.  I spent another night at a friend's house with a little more room for visitors, then I went to Chiang Mai to take care of my visa.  Then I went back to Bangkok to stay with my friend again.  Then this past weekend I went south to Pattaya to visit with Dana and our other friend Austin.  I am still in Pattaya.

I have a whole new appreciation for hospitality.  I feel like the only thing I am doing is imposing on other people, even though I know that if it were the other way around, I would love to help a friend who needs somewhere to stay.  It is humbling to accept the generosity of others night after night.

I have had lots of free time on my hands.  Time to read and think and pray and journal.  It has been nice to have time to reflect-- time to myself.  However, too much time can be destructive.  I have not enjoyed being so alone with my thoughts.  Everyday feels like I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and I need to go to sleep and try it again.  It is unsettling that for so long, my desire has been to "come awake," but I have never felt more like letting myself fall asleep.  It is hard to battle.  It is hard to feel like myself.

Would you pray that my heart would remain faithful to where I am?  That God would still show me his plan and his purpose for me day by day.  I dont need to be able to see what lies ahead, but I would like to be able to see God in the bit of the journey I am on.  I know that he is more than willing to show himself to me if only I will be willing to see.