no more ardent wish

I first heard this spoken word, originally written by Henri Boudin, in a sermon by my friend Natalie Graf in 2009.  I was reminded of the excerpt again in November of last year listening to the same sermon online.  Since re-hearing it in November, I have read through, prayed through, and learned from these beautiful words.  I have listened to Natalie's voice and transcribed the words into my journal over and over, trying to soak in the wisdom of them.  I think that it captures the essence of what the Lord has been trying to teach me during this season in Thailand, and I thought they were too good not to share with you all.

"What an honor, and how glorious it is, to be in the service of so Great, so Good a Master.  The condition of the least of His servants is incomparably greater than that of the kings of the earth.  For their greatness and prosperity finish with their lives, but the servants of God finish with their lives the pains and trials they've had to suffer in his service.  And after that, they find an eternal happiness and immortal crowns awaiting them.  It is then reasonable what the royal prophet assures us: that one day they spend in His house and in His service is better than a thousand days spent elsewhere.

It is true that all men esteem and love to be great.  They do not think wherein the true greatness lies... They deem it to be a great honor to be in the service of royalty.  They pay heavy sums to be deemed the head of the firm.  But they take little pains to be a servant of God-- and what is more grievous, often blush at the idea of fulfilling their duties of His service.

Happy are the Christians who feel the honor and acknowledge the grace which God has bestowed upon them when he has received them as his servants.  Oh! What a Good Master we have!  How magnificent are His promises!  How faithful He is to carry them out!  How liberal are His rewards!  If all men knew what it was to be a servant of God, they would have no more ardent wish or aspire to a higher honor than to be reckoned among the number of His faithful servants.

Oh Lord, my heart is filled with bitter grief when I call to mind the years of my past life... Alas!  Far from having employed them in Thy service, I am one of those unfaithful servants who have had my own self-interest in view.  However, because you are my Lord and King, I this day take an oath of allegiance and from henceforth swear that my wish is to live and to die in Thy service.

Thine be the glory and the honor and the power forever and ever.  Amen."

If all men knew... they would have no more ardent wish?  Wow.  I don't know about you, but in mulling this over, God has gently shown me plenty of things that I wish for much more ardently than Himself.  It is humbling.  Convicting.  Overwhelming to realize that it was not the Lord I wanted all along, but only what he gave to me.  Alas!  I am one of those unfaithful servants.

Praise God, praise God, PRAISE GOD! for grace. For undeserved love and kindness.  For forgiveness.  Praise be to God for the honor of servanthood.