breathless expectation

I have been home from Thailand for exactly two weeks now.  Although I do miss many things and many people from Thailand, it feels good and right to be home.  The last year was a very challenging and growth-filled experience.  There were many times of confusion and uncertainty in which the Lord was my only comfort.  As a result, my faith was increased and I now feel much more certain of God than I did a year ago.  Certain of his love, his provision, and his sovereignty to accomplish his will.  Ironically, though, I am much LESS certain than I thought I would be of how the events of my life will actually play out.

Although I have some ideas about where and how to serve the Lord in the future, the immediate season of my life is still extremely uncertain.  In the last fourteen days, I have slept in 8 different places.  I do not know where I will live, where I will work, or how I will get to work once I (hopefully) secure a job. 

But as stressful as that sounds, I have actually felt unbelievably peaceful.  In the same way that the Lord assured me of his plan and purpose in my life when I first moved to Thailand, he has been faithful to grant me that same peace during this transition back as well. 

Oswald Chambers has helped me to gain this perspective:

To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, we do not know what a day may bring forth. This is generally said with a sigh of sadness, it should be rather an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. Immediately we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He packs our life with surprises all the time. When we become advocates of a creed, something dies; we do not believe God, we only believe our belief about Him. Jesus said, "Except ye become as little children." Spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, but uncertain of what He is going to do next. If we are only certain in our beliefs, we get dignified and severe and have the ban of finality about our views; but when we are rightly related to God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy.

My Father in heaven has promised me good.  He has invited me to take part in his story of redemption.  I trust him at his word.  I trust his plan.  I trust his provision.  I trust his power to accomplish his will, even though I have no idea what any of it will look like.  And I endeavor each day to continue seeking, continue trusting, and and to do the duty that lies nearest, with breathless expectation of whatever God will teach me, wherever he will lead me.

How great and how good is the Master we serve!  In his love alone do I rest and hope.